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a hard week

Last week was very difficult for me, emotionally. I don't like to write about all of my feelings online. I know alot of people read this and I wouldn't want anyone to worry about me over something I wrote after having a bad day. I usually "get over" things pretty quickly.
One of my closest Lao friends has been having problems with her husband. I guess the main "problem" is that he has other girlfriends and doesn't come home some nights. He is also drinking more and gambling. This has been going on for about six weeks, although the "other woman" first came into the picture about 6 months ago.
My friend is a tiny little woman. I know last year she used to weigh like 80 pounds but now she is probably in the low 70's. She is sooo thin, I guess from all of this stress her husband is putting her through. She has such an easy going and friendly manner. Last week she discovered she was pregnant.
When she told me earlier that she thought she might be pregnant and was going to test, I asked her if she would be happy if she had a baby. She told me she wouldn't be happy, and her husband wouldn't be happy.
In Laos it is sadly common for men to "play around", drinking and womanizing even if they are married. The men are like overgrown kids. The women just have to deal with it. No married couples talk about their feelings or problems. They just ignore things and let them get worse and worse.
Well, so my friend was pregnant. About 2 months. Immediately she knew she was going to take medication that would kill the baby.
She told me about her friend who has done this 4, 5 times already. But it was the first time for my friend.
Lao people love children, but they don't see abortion as a moral issue at all. It was like she didn't even understand my point of view; it was just a matter of fact that she had to kill this baby.
I tried to talk to her about how the Creator gave this child life, and He knows about her problems and will give her strength. I was saying all of this to convince her not to abort. I told her we would help her and I talked about her giving us the baby. She just kept saying it was too hard for one person. I don't think she ever saw it as a moral issue. It was just a matter of fact. She told me to pray for her that it wouldn't hurt when she took the pills that would kill her baby.
I'm not mad at her but I feel depressed over the whole situation. This all happened between Thursday and Sunday of last week. I just feel very emotionally spent.
I was prepared to have Nick sign the birth certificate as the father, so that the baby would be ours. It isn't legal for Americans to adopt Lao children. But if you are already the father, you don't have to adopt, see?
I don't think she knows how strongly I felt about it. It isn't really the culture here to talk about one's feelings, even with your spouse or immediate family.
She just tells me about all of the medicine she is having to take and how she doesn't think everything came out yet. I know this caused her physical pain. Emotionally I can't really tell. So this possibly might drag out another week for me to take her to a hospital so a doctor can vacuum out her uterous.
I'm sad.

Tuesday, Nov. 21, 2006 at 3:38 PM

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