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Sleepless and Insane

Last night Jonas was absolutely ridiculous. I went to a friend's birthday party, came back home at about 8:30pm to put Jonas to sleep, did our little routine, and then went back out with my friends and came to bed a little after midnight. Before I could even fall asleep, Jonas was up. I'll admit I have been feeding him at night since he has been very sick. His cough is less severe now but still present. The rest of the night is a blur of him waking up, me feeding him, Nick taking him back to bed and Jonas starting to cry all over again. I don't know if I slept at all. Mostly I just lay in bed questioning if God was punishing me for some reason. I don't usually have thoughts like that, but why is Jonas like this? How come in the 16 months he has been alive, he has only slept through the night about 3 times? Do you have any idea what this lifestyle is doing to my brain, not to mention my emotional well-being.
Nick finally got up with him for the morning at about 7:45, and I slept until 11 a.m.! I can't live like this!
Today I bought him some formula for big kids, EnfaPro. I think it has rice cereal or something mixed in. So I am going to try having Nick give that to him at night instead of nursing. Maybe he will get the clue that he can't be attached to me all night. I feel awful but I don't want to resent him over this. I wanted to cry last night but I was actually too tired to muster up any sort of emotion, so I just lay there with my mind racing (and a baby attached to me).
When he was really sick the other night I was happy to stay up with him and hold him and comfort him...but when there is nothing wrong with him and he just wakes up again and again (maybe because he doesn't want to be in the crib?)...that gets really old very fast!

Wednesday, Mar. 08, 2006 at 10:07 PM

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