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emo mama

Shh...the baby is sleeping. Actually he is sleeping beside the TV, which is tuned in to People's Court, and also the loud "this is only a test" beeps keep going off. He is still sleeping. I am trying to get him accustomed to sleeping in noise so that I won't ever have to tip toe around him. I have a friend who was too quiet with her baby and now he is 3. When he takes a nap she has to lay on the couch and read a book. She can't do anything else, like cook or watch TV or any kind of chore that produces a decible of noise louder than that of turning the page of a novel.
I took Jonas to the polls on Tuesday to vote. We went in the mid-morning, so there were alot of senior citizens there and he delighted them all by being a baby. Then yesterday we had even more adventures as we went to the grocery store and Books-a-Million. He slept the whole time, thank goodness.
I am trying to read and write alot and make sure that I have time for myself. I go through moments of indescribable joy and amazment that I have a precious baby...and then I have moments of fear that my life is forever changed and I am going to lose parts of myself and my relationship with my husband. And for some reason, the first few times I took a bath after I got home from the hospital, I cried and didn't know why. Luckily that has ceased to be a trigger, because it made me feel insane.
I still love this baby.

Thursday, Nov. 04, 2004 at 12:58 PM

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