It�s me! The social butterfly is home to refuel.

Last night I spent the night with an old friend. Her brother (also a world traveler) was there too, and it was really refreshing to be able to talk to someone else who has the ability to view our nation and countrymen objectively. I think it is a disease that you catch while living overseas.

This morning I ran in a 5K (what was I thinking?). The good news is that I didn't hurt myself and I did run the entire distance (which was my main goal) but my finishing time was embarrassing and so I refuse to share, thank you very much.

I came to a realization while driving alone (a good time to do some thinking): I think I have decided that America is too big for me. I don�t mean crowded, I mean that the cars, endless highways, people, and even portions at the restaurants are so big that it makes me feel lost and insignificant. Life is so fast and furious and dare I say meaningless. This is a land where a middle class person thinks they are poor because they cannot afford $100 shoes. That doesn't mean that you are poor. It means that the shoes are overpriced. And when I go in a department store and take an awe-filled look around at the mass quantities of everything that surrounds me, I can only think of one word: nonessential.

China has a lot of people, but I felt more like I was part of the puzzle instead of lost in the shuffle. Does that make sense?

It seems that I am setting myself up for a lifetime of unbelonging-ness. Either I am a stranger in a strange land or I live amongst my own �people� and feel lost and sickened by over consumption and lack of purpose.

Saturday, Aug. 02, 2003 at 1:10 PM