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I have to say the social life is picking up again. I can almost delude myself into thinking that I am "cool" again, a feeling that is quite foreign to me.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch, and then when I got home another friend came over, and after she left I called still a different friend on the phone and conversed for hours and made plans for a get together.

I think the secret is to stay gone long enough for people to start missing you, then when you suddenly resurface people will beat down your door to "catch up".

I'm invited to a party tonight. It has been an extremely long time since I have been invited to a party that wasn't of the birthday or holiday variety. I am prepared to be a little depressed, because alot of old friends from the highschool years will be present. I am afraid that they haven't changed a bit. I have. I grew up some. I recommend it.

I have almost come to the conclusion that my mother and I cannot coexist in the same household. I actually had delusions of having her live with me in her old age and caring for her, but quite frequently I do things (unintentionally) that cause her to believe that I "take advantage of her" and "do not love her." Despite my most valiant efforts to be a good daughter and do everything she asks and help around the house, every once in a while I do something "hateful" such as not putting gas in her car after I borrowed it (even though my brother was the one driving, not I. the blame is mine). *sigh*

I find it disturbing that she can actually believe that I do not love her. She is my mother and I try hard to please her. When she says things like that I feel despairing and envision her dying old, bitter, and hating me.


Thursday, Jul. 10, 2003 at 1:17 PM

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