Today on the way to school I got really sad thinking about the near future. I started crying for a second, and that stupid Eve 6 song came on the radio "Here's to the nights we felt alive! here's to the tears you knew you'd cry!!" Ever notice how that happens? Like when you get dumped or something all the songs on the radio are about being dumped? Well it was that kind of thing. And it made me cry, but it made me mad, toying with my emotions like that.

Anyway i was thinking about how when i graduate in 7 weeks, i am going to leave the country for like a year and a half. When i get back all of my friends will be gone, my brother will be in college, my parents will probably have moved since my dad is unemployed...everything will be different. I hate that about growing up. When i was younger i wanted OUT, i wanted everything to change, but now i long for the comfortable famliarity of 'the way we were'.

I hate growing up fast. I hate not knowing where Stephanie is, lost somewhere in under some Air Force red tape, i hate that my best friend tells me the Bible is not all true, I hate worrying that I will never make something of myself.

I hate to break the news, dear friend, the world is bitter at each end and nothing makes you more become it quite like running from it.

i wish that i knew what i know now when i was younger, when i was stronger

ckb

p.s. thanks for letting me vent to you earlier today, Jenny in the sky with diamonds.

Wednesday, Oct. 24, 2001 at 3:06 PM