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there is a fountain


The new course catalog came out today. There are only 3 classes being offered that I need, and 2 of them are at the exact same time. This really stinks. They are trying to hinder my graduation! I hope i can work out some kinda of 'exception to the rule' thing with my advisor so i can get out of here on time. Thats the bad thing about going to a small school.

I feel sort of free right now. i dont have anything I need to get done right now. i just finished a mid term so now my mind is at ease for a while. Hopefullly i can get to bed at a decent hour tonite. All i have to do is finish drawing this picture of a chair covered in a sheet.

Last night i didn't get to bed until 1:30. I was up studying for my mid term, and I talked to Brad for a little while on the computer while i was looking at the class web site. We have a really deep friendship. I had to apologize to him because I felt that lately I had not been living as a Christian. I was living for me, I wasn't dead to myself. I told him I was sorry that I was not an example of Christ for him. Because he knows that my desire is for him to become a Christian. I told him that I never want to be his excuse, the reason he can't commit to being a Christian. Because that is what people always point to. Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and deny Him by their lifestyle. I don't want to be anyone's reason to say "No" to following Christ.

Brad said that me and Pam were the only two people that gave him the will to believe. I don't know what that means, because Pam isn't a Christian. But I guess that means that I am not a hindrance to him knowing the Truth. I hope i am not. I hope i never am. I can't picture enjoying heaven knowing that Brad is not there. His blood would be on my hands.

Blood falls from your wrists, blood runs down my face and falls onto me. I watched you fall to the crowd, wrestling with the weight. It was me. I kill you everyday.

I kill you every day.


2000-10-24 at 16:03:02

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