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panic attack?

I already wrote in here once today, but its not a normal day.

I mean, nothing happened that was out of the ordinary, but I started feeling weird at work. Weird as in my heart was racing and I felt really shifty and uneasy. I was just sitting there at work, nothing was going on and I was studying for a Geology Lab quiz. Then on my way to Geology i felt it again. The only thing I can attribute it to is some sort of Spiritual unsettling.

I have had a greater desire to get into the Word lately, and the filth I see has been weighing on my heart heavier than before. I just feel sick, i get a sharp headache sometimes when I look around at people my age who are so confused about religion and God. Either they are confused, they don't care, or they just chalk themselves up as being "tolerant". Thats what our oh so pluralistic society says is the politically correct way to be. Be tolerant.

To me, "tolerant" sounds awfully passive. I believe in something. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and its grace and faith alone that allow anyone to be saved through Him.

So if i believe in something, why would I say 'oh, yeah and everything else other people believes is true, too." Why even bother having a belief if you won't stick to your guns. Why abandon your convictions to be politically correct or to avoid offending someone.

I present my case in love. I don't have a 'crusades' approach to my cause. But I don't ever want to be tolerant.


On another note yesterday I didn't have to work, so i went to sit in the middle of campus and hoped that a friend would walk by. I saw Bailey and I really wanted to talk to him but I figured he was going to eat. So i waited for him to come back and it took forever so i went to check my mail in the post office. When I returned he was already walking back to his dorm and was talking to some HUGE tall dood, like 7 feet i am not exaggerating. So i decided to wait for him to get done because I didn't know that guy. I busied myself cleaning out my back pack and then when i looked up again he was talking to someone else, this dood named Gregg. I know who gregg is but i feel weird around him. I haven't ever talked to him and I feel like he knows something about me. Actually I am pretty sure he does. So I decided I had hung around too long and I walked to my car. I never got to talk to Bailey. He is my favorite person in my art classes. I want to just hang out with him but I never have anything in mind for us to do besides talk, and he would probably think that was a little unsettling. I guess it is. I guess I am. I will see him tommorrow. If he says anything about having seen me I will tell him the ordeal. He probably won't care.

you know you are tired when your senses fail


2000-09-28 at 21:49:00

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