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four months down

Yesterday marked the four month anniversary of my marriage to Nick. I love him so much. I wish that he didn't have to work all of the time. He wishes that too.

It makes it hard for me. I am in school so i have some free time a few days a week. I catch myself feeling like I am single again. It hasn't hit me that I am really married you know? I guess Nick is such a part of my life that it doesn't seem like a 'relationship' in the ways that I have experienced it. I feel like we are a family. Its not bad. Its just different. And i wish he were around during the day to nourish our relationship so we could do fun 'hangin' out' type things like 20 year olds are supposed to do with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

Being married is fun. People talk about marriage like it is a death sentance. They say things like "there are just so many other things I want to do before i settle down, you know???" I mean, its not like your life ends when the wedding band goes on. There are alot of things i want to do, and I want my husband to share them with me. What fun are things with no one to share them with?

One thing that does plague me is the nagging uneasyness i feel towards my mother-in-law. She always makes jokes asking when we will move near her, and when can she expect some new grand kids? It seems to come up just about everytime we talk. Its not a very funny joke. I feel like she wants to control our lives in those areas. I want kids, in a few years, like 5. But i want them to be mine. I don't want her to raise them. I feel like she wants to. It scares me. Alot. I am too nice to say anything right now. But it makes me want to scream and cry everytime it comes up. I am not used to people trying to control me. I don't want to get used to people trying to control me.

love is real


2000-09-28 at 15:34:03

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