For the past 5 months I have been not-so-dilligently been doing what I refer to as "training" by running 2 miles twice per week. The idea behind this maddness is that I would run in a 5K in August at my alma matter, who hosts a 5K race, tennis tournament, and golf tournament all in one weekend to raise money for the school and encourage alumni to remember their past days at afore mentioned school so that they will wistfully donate even more money to support academic programs that the actual students don't appreciate because they are too drunk and/or stoned to be bothered with going to class anyway. But, I digress.
I REALLY want to win a trophy in this race, and I feel like I can do it because I competed in 2002 with absolutely NO training and my time wasn't much worse than the girl who won...and got the big trophy. Just imagine me waving my fist in the air and saying "curses!" with my teeth clenched.
So this year I just KNEW I was going to win after my 5 months of so-called "training" snicker snicker. BUT at the begining of the race I was spotted by a highschool friend who I hadn't seen in a while, and she talked to me excitedly the entire first mile. I was dying just trying to breathe, but managed to hold up my end of the conversation as well. After that mile she sprinted off and I was alone with my side stitches, so I walked for a few minutes and then continued the rest of the race in a shuffle that probably could not be classified as "jogging" much less "running", which was what I was supposed to be doing. Right before the 3rd mile I realized that the police car who was keeping an eye on the race was driving slowly right behind me, which meant I was the last person! What the heck?! Dejectedly I watched as a couple of 9 year olds ran past me. I wanted to pass them but my body wouldn't cooperate. Finally in the home stretch I sprinted it out to beat this one girl who was wearing a walkman. So I came in second to last, and then embarassingly had dry heaves at the other side of the finish line.
When I resume my "training", I think it is time to step it up a notch. I already bought some more hip workout clothes with moisture wicking technology. This year I am doing THREE miles, 2 times per week plus 2 miles once a week for a total of THREE TRAINING DAYS PER WEEK!
Next time, the 9 year olds will eat my dust.